This blog will be about life and relationships; mostly, from what I’ve learned from my two companion animals, Dali and Oskar. Sometimes I’ll post other types of resources and anecdotes. I hope what I share is helpful or at least fun.
Even if you don’t like making New Year’s Resolutions, the beginning of a new year can be a good time to reminisce on the passing year. It can be beneficial for us to highlight certain memories. Specifically, we can benefit from reflecting on:
a time when we successfully dealt with a challenging situation, and
an experience that shaped the person we are today.
Research shows that this exercise is uplifting because it promotes resilience and self-exploration.
You might want to take a few minutes of quiet time to come up with at least one example of each of the above situations. Maybe you would like to journal your examples. It might be fun to gather with one or two friends and share your responses. Of course, feel free to share below.
Walking Dali and Oskar past the man-made lake in our neighborhood, I tip-toe around the annual goose-poop on the side walk. Every year since we moved here about seven years ago, I have enjoyed watching two geese return to their residency here, have their babies, raise their goslings, and then migrate to wherever they go in the fall.
I had to teach Dali and Oskar that we leave the geese alone. We would carefully pass Momma and Papa Goose and their fluffy, little babies who eventually grew until I could not distinguish them from their parents. If Papa Goose felt that we got too close, he would flap his wings, make a sound and come towards us. I learned to give them a wide berth.
One day I saw the goslings go up a boy, who was on his way to Middle School, and pull on his shorts with their beaks. I asked the young student whether they had done that before and he said “Yes.” I was so touched at the connection the boy had made not only with the baby geese, but also Momma and Papa Goose. The parents trusted the boy enough to let their children go and make contact with him.
A few days after I had welcomed the geese’s return, I saw one of the them by him or herself. And a day or two after that, I noted he or she was sitting on the dock, his or her head buried in his or her feathers. I sensed a deep mourning and realized that one of the geese must have died. I shared this news with my husband and cried out of empathy for the goose, as well as grief for my own loss.
I learned that sometimes we don’t realize we are attached to someone until we lose the connection. We can experience loss about many different things: a loved one, a job, moving, loss of our hopes and dreams, the ending of a friendship, finishing a project, and a goose.
I also was reminded of my husband’s kindness. He honored my sadness and comforted me, even though he didn’t share my experience.
The next time I passed by the lake, the goose was again sitting on the dock with his head buried in his feathers (for simplicity, I’ll refer to the surviving goose as male because my sense is it is Papa Goose). I paused and told him that I saw him there, that I knew he was grieving, that I was sad too, that I hoped his companion passed away peacefully, and that I wished him a lessening of his pain over time. I felt better after I shared my sentiments with this other living being and I hoped that my acknowledgement of him helped him feel a little better.
I returned from my walk hours later and saw the goose swimming in the lake. His glides, although solitary, were beautiful and I felt some peace that he was enjoying the water.
Life is easier and more joyful when we know that there is someone who has our back.
Dali, Oskar and I were taking our early Saturday morning walk. Sometimes we are out before 7 am. It is one of my favorite times of the day because it is quiet and peaceful. We had made it to the grounds of a church about a mile from our house. Dali and Oskar were busy exploring when a woman walked by, headed toward a bus stop on the other side of the property. She shouted out to someone who had passed by just a bit ago. (I guess Dali, Oskar and I aren’t the only ones who like to be out early.) It was quite a jarring sound in the soft, silent air. Alerted to danger, Dali ran to see what was going on. She stood next to me, ready to take action if need be, and she turned around to check-in with me. “It’s okay,” I said. Reassured, Dali went back to scout out the smells around the bushes.
It is very fulfilling to know that I am a safe haven to Dali and Oskar, meaning they will turn to me when they are feeling threatened. I also feel deeply appreciative that I am a secure base to them. In other words, my relationship with them provides them with a foundation to explore the world and solve problems.
They also are my safe haven and secure base. I was running a supervision group out of my home and the participants were flexible enough to allow Dali and Oskar to join in on the learning. During one of the sessions, I was feeling anxious, unsure of myself as a teacher. Luckily, Dali was by my side and I started petting her. Here was someone who was happy to be with me even when I was feeling insecure. My anxiety subsided. And sometimes, when I’m very afraid like when I’m flying and there is a lot of turbulence, I think of Oskar licking my face and it helps me get through these stressful moments.
I am lucky to find this security in some of my relationships with people, as well. When I am feeling at my worse, my husband almost always lets me know that he has had similar feelings about himself. When I don’t feel so alone with painful feelings, my sadness eases. I have learned from my husband the power of letting another know how I can relate to their difficult experiences. I even do that with Dali and Oskar. When Dali is wants to go one way on a walk and I want to go another, and in the rare times that I don’t acquiesce, I will say to her “I see you Dali. I see that you’re unhappy. You didn’t get to go the way you wanted to go. I understand that disappointment. It is unfair.” Just being seen and understood helps her mood.
Life is easier and more joyful when we know that there is someone who has our back. Couples therapy can help partners find that safety in their relationship. Individual therapy can help people begin to feel safe about sharing their distress with another and be able to take these experiences to other relationships. When we feel safe and know that another is happy to see us, even when we’re at our worst, we can go out into the world and explore, the way Dali went back to seeking out adventure when I let her know everything was OK.
On Being: Lessons I Learn From Animals 