This blog will be about life and relationships; mostly, from what I’ve learned from my two companion animals, Dali and Oskar. Sometimes I’ll post other types of resources and anecdotes. I hope what I share is helpful or at least fun.
He will stand at the top of the stairs and push a tennis ball to me at the bottom. When I get it, I throw it back – down the hall – so he has to run and get it. He’ll go back to the top of the stairs and wait for me to sit down on the couch and then he will push the ball down the stairs again, so I hear a thump, thump, thump as the ball bounces down the stairs.
As he grew up in our family, and I would give a chew treat to both him and Dali. He would hide his treat when I wasn’t looking and then give me this look like something happened to his chewy and he didn’t know what it was. I was thinking maybe Dali was taking it so I’d give him another. Until one day, I don’t remember why, I thought to look around the house and saw that he was hiding them. When he realized I was on to him, he stopped his prank.
There are other things he does in the moment and I find myself cracking up. I look at him and he has a big smile on his face. We connect over the moment of playfulness and I feel lighter and joyful.
Laughing boosts the immune system and relieves stress, depression, anxiety, pain and social conflict. Be sure to watch a funny video, movie, spend time with friends who make you laugh, or find other things that make you LOL on a regular basis.
Years ago, The Washington Post ran a series called Life is Short: Autobiography as Haiku. I don’t remember reading that section religiously, but I sure am glad I read Lynda Van Kuren’s piece. I cut it out and have had it on my refrigerator ever since it was published on August 19, 2007. I’m sharing it here because I think it has some good life lessons for us all and it brings a smile to my face every time I read it. Here is the picture that is featured beside the haiku:
And here is the poem:
I loved her with all my heart. Little did I know that this little dog was my teacher, showing me how to negotiate life’s journey. Shana’s lessons:
Hang out with the people you love, and get as close to them as you can.
Always be ready to play.
If someone doesn’t like you, don’t worry about it. Lots of others do. Spend your time with them.
Don’t spend a lot of time being sad. Find something to do that makes you happy.
If someone upsets the one you love most, pee on their side of the bed.
Be joyous.
When we realize we are inter-connected, we can learn life lessons from all animals. Maybe that is one of the most important lessons. To keep our hearts open to other living beings.
Life is easier and more joyful when we know that there is someone who has our back.
Dali, Oskar and I were taking our early Saturday morning walk. Sometimes we are out before 7 am. It is one of my favorite times of the day because it is quiet and peaceful. We had made it to the grounds of a church about a mile from our house. Dali and Oskar were busy exploring when a woman walked by, headed toward a bus stop on the other side of the property. She shouted out to someone who had passed by just a bit ago. (I guess Dali, Oskar and I aren’t the only ones who like to be out early.) It was quite a jarring sound in the soft, silent air. Alerted to danger, Dali ran to see what was going on. She stood next to me, ready to take action if need be, and she turned around to check-in with me. “It’s okay,” I said. Reassured, Dali went back to scout out the smells around the bushes.
It is very fulfilling to know that I am a safe haven to Dali and Oskar, meaning they will turn to me when they are feeling threatened. I also feel deeply appreciative that I am a secure base to them. In other words, my relationship with them provides them with a foundation to explore the world and solve problems.
They also are my safe haven and secure base. I was running a supervision group out of my home and the participants were flexible enough to allow Dali and Oskar to join in on the learning. During one of the sessions, I was feeling anxious, unsure of myself as a teacher. Luckily, Dali was by my side and I started petting her. Here was someone who was happy to be with me even when I was feeling insecure. My anxiety subsided. And sometimes, when I’m very afraid like when I’m flying and there is a lot of turbulence, I think of Oskar licking my face and it helps me get through these stressful moments.
I am lucky to find this security in some of my relationships with people, as well. When I am feeling at my worse, my husband almost always lets me know that he has had similar feelings about himself. When I don’t feel so alone with painful feelings, my sadness eases. I have learned from my husband the power of letting another know how I can relate to their difficult experiences. I even do that with Dali and Oskar. When Dali is wants to go one way on a walk and I want to go another, and in the rare times that I don’t acquiesce, I will say to her “I see you Dali. I see that you’re unhappy. You didn’t get to go the way you wanted to go. I understand that disappointment. It is unfair.” Just being seen and understood helps her mood.
Life is easier and more joyful when we know that there is someone who has our back. Couples therapy can help partners find that safety in their relationship. Individual therapy can help people begin to feel safe about sharing their distress with another and be able to take these experiences to other relationships. When we feel safe and know that another is happy to see us, even when we’re at our worst, we can go out into the world and explore, the way Dali went back to seeking out adventure when I let her know everything was OK.
On Being: Lessons I Learn From Animals 